The Way
Always trying, wondering, what a different path looks like.
Today I got x-rays to show my healing broken collarbone after 3 +1/2 weeks, not pretty, should heal and regain normal motion, another 3 weeks at least before I can bike, and a nice permanent bump midshoulder where the bone sticks up on the break. At least its fun to see inside and outside.
I sort of had an inspiration that perhaps life has "breakpoints" and my broken bone could represent a change if I let it. Perhaps my "bump" has become a "Mark of God", a reminder that my time here is limited and there's things to be done, or whatever. At least I wonder if it can help me regain some uniformity in my sleeping schedule - gone an amazing 3 weeks now getting up at a respectable 8am-10am, rather than a crazy 11am-3pm, of course supported previously by staying up late. I've been up as late as 4am, but not allowed sleeping in fully. I've slept as late as 12:30pm, after getting up for an hour at 8am, and a 3 hour nap, but still managed to go to sleep reasonably after that.
For me right now I find holding a line on sleep hours serves a purpose to give me hope that other change is possible. I fight to hold longer, for every hope I can imagine.
Spending less time on computers is another one, partially helped since I'd had to take the bus, so I get more reading time off computer, so I don't use this easy internet world as much. But a far far way to go to call any real progress.
Anyway, procrastination and distraction are my greatest vices, and I'm unsure how I'll face them honestly, how I'll face harder times if I rebel so easily in easy times.
Maybe like my broken bone, harder times give strength, new resolve and purpose. I hope so.
I fear for the world, feel pretty secure myself, relatively, but I just don't get how many others can endure much more. I don't know what I can do to help others, especially since I can't easily help myself, in my vices.
Back to the Seminary contact dram, perhaps I could find a book club. Running home from work last night, I thought of a subject "Social awareness". I picked it because I'm largely unaware. I mean I can see suffering and hardship in family and friends close, people making risky decisions on home or taking on debt.
Is a bookclub enough? I'd like to take it further, identify collective action that could be done to strengthen my community in general. Is this possible?
I mainly see there's probably a million small things that could be done, but easier to wish for "something big", and retreat when nothing appears. And as always, everything important takes time and energy, and devotion.
Well, for now, I'll take mornings as my new gift, perhaps see what I can do with them. Baby steps always...
Today I got x-rays to show my healing broken collarbone after 3 +1/2 weeks, not pretty, should heal and regain normal motion, another 3 weeks at least before I can bike, and a nice permanent bump midshoulder where the bone sticks up on the break. At least its fun to see inside and outside.
I sort of had an inspiration that perhaps life has "breakpoints" and my broken bone could represent a change if I let it. Perhaps my "bump" has become a "Mark of God", a reminder that my time here is limited and there's things to be done, or whatever. At least I wonder if it can help me regain some uniformity in my sleeping schedule - gone an amazing 3 weeks now getting up at a respectable 8am-10am, rather than a crazy 11am-3pm, of course supported previously by staying up late. I've been up as late as 4am, but not allowed sleeping in fully. I've slept as late as 12:30pm, after getting up for an hour at 8am, and a 3 hour nap, but still managed to go to sleep reasonably after that.
For me right now I find holding a line on sleep hours serves a purpose to give me hope that other change is possible. I fight to hold longer, for every hope I can imagine.
Spending less time on computers is another one, partially helped since I'd had to take the bus, so I get more reading time off computer, so I don't use this easy internet world as much. But a far far way to go to call any real progress.
Anyway, procrastination and distraction are my greatest vices, and I'm unsure how I'll face them honestly, how I'll face harder times if I rebel so easily in easy times.
Maybe like my broken bone, harder times give strength, new resolve and purpose. I hope so.
I fear for the world, feel pretty secure myself, relatively, but I just don't get how many others can endure much more. I don't know what I can do to help others, especially since I can't easily help myself, in my vices.
Back to the Seminary contact dram, perhaps I could find a book club. Running home from work last night, I thought of a subject "Social awareness". I picked it because I'm largely unaware. I mean I can see suffering and hardship in family and friends close, people making risky decisions on home or taking on debt.
Is a bookclub enough? I'd like to take it further, identify collective action that could be done to strengthen my community in general. Is this possible?
I mainly see there's probably a million small things that could be done, but easier to wish for "something big", and retreat when nothing appears. And as always, everything important takes time and energy, and devotion.
Well, for now, I'll take mornings as my new gift, perhaps see what I can do with them. Baby steps always...
posted by Ares Olympus at 6:14 PM
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