Fun with Sex 101
Oh, I really do love religious conservatives. They offer all the hard moral positions that I can't defend as well, so I can just sidestep my own approval of their positions by looking up on the mountain tops of their high ground.
http://www.startribune.com/191/story/1144640.html Katherine Kersten: Abstinence study abstained from the larger truth
I'll quote the second to last paragraph for fun:
Authentic abstinence curricula take a very different approach. They view sex not primarily as a source of pleasure or self-expression but as a deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions. As a result, they focus on teaching students about the differences between love and sex, and encouraging them to view sexuality as part of a lifelong process of developing intimacy that will culminate ideally in a faithful marriage.
Somehow my first thought on that paragraph is to substitute the word masturbation for sex, curious how it reads:
They view masturbation not primarily as a source of pleasure or self-expression but as a deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions. As a result, they focus on teaching students about the differences between love and masturbation, and encouraging them to view sexuality as part of a lifelong process of developing intimacy that will culminate ideally in a faithful marriage.
It's true "Self-love" is MORE than just stimulating your sexual organs. It's about communication and respect and love for your body and its relationship with the cosmos. hmmmm... I'm not as good at wording as the conservatists, but whether sex-with-self, and sex-with-other, or sex-with-cow(?) I expect many even slightly reflective people will admit sex as a drive is mostly annoying and distracting and if that's all there is, then let's move on to something else. Maybe not, I'm just an intellectual, so not the best person to ask.
Most interestingly I had dinner last night with a long time friend who is married, but a part of what she calls Polyamory.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
Apparently a "faithful marriage" is in the eye of the beholder, possibly something different for every married couple. Some think there's such thing "Emotional infidelity" where you're taking something from your spouse by finding emotional support in another person of the opposite sex. Apparently even in the Polyamory lifestyle there's still such thing as "cheating". At least there's a formal process, oral or written, in defining your boundaries, expectations, etc. One my friend had was a 3-month "getting to know" you stage where the other will start no other relations during this period. I don't know how wide this is, but at least "cheating" always means deceiving and hiding other relations.
Interesting terms for relations - a hierarchy - primary, secondary, tertiary, although there can be co-primaries for instance. What I didn't follow is how people change on the hierarchy. I suppose ideally mutually agreeable, although seems complicated. Maybe I'm your secondary, but your my primary? Well, on the other hand I don't know if I even have time for a primary! Maybe I could have 2 secondaries? So in my mind, they are co-primaries, but to them I'm a secondary.
OH, sorry back to the conservatives and keeping sex pure, within holy church approved institutions. I am SURE my polyamorous friend would not disagree with the characterization "deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions." She never had sex before marriage, and considered the security of her marriage container as a necessary structure to empower her (and her husband) to better face the complex world of multiple loves.
If I must enter the sex ed debate, I must support both forms of education: "just the facts" (biology and the technology of birth control) and "moral and philosophical issues". I don't have an opinion whether these need to be given in the same class, or could be completely separate. I actually don't remember much about birth control in my sex ed classes, more about biology. I had a separate class called "Contemporary domestic issues" which talked of marriage and responsibility and such.
Anyway, I'm more of a talker than a doer, so I think it's GREAT to give kids a SAFE place to discuss sex, attraction, love, and all, safe from rude peers, and safe from judgmental adults. I don't know how to create that safety, and not sure if schools can succeed, at least in the mandatory approach. Different kids need different approaches. Probably not all kids need to know about birth control at 13. I'd be happy with the "When you need to know, here's a good book to read." advice.
http://www.startribune.com/191/story/1144640.html Katherine Kersten: Abstinence study abstained from the larger truth
I'll quote the second to last paragraph for fun:
Authentic abstinence curricula take a very different approach. They view sex not primarily as a source of pleasure or self-expression but as a deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions. As a result, they focus on teaching students about the differences between love and sex, and encouraging them to view sexuality as part of a lifelong process of developing intimacy that will culminate ideally in a faithful marriage.
Somehow my first thought on that paragraph is to substitute the word masturbation for sex, curious how it reads:
They view masturbation not primarily as a source of pleasure or self-expression but as a deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions. As a result, they focus on teaching students about the differences between love and masturbation, and encouraging them to view sexuality as part of a lifelong process of developing intimacy that will culminate ideally in a faithful marriage.
It's true "Self-love" is MORE than just stimulating your sexual organs. It's about communication and respect and love for your body and its relationship with the cosmos. hmmmm... I'm not as good at wording as the conservatists, but whether sex-with-self, and sex-with-other, or sex-with-cow(?) I expect many even slightly reflective people will admit sex as a drive is mostly annoying and distracting and if that's all there is, then let's move on to something else. Maybe not, I'm just an intellectual, so not the best person to ask.
Most interestingly I had dinner last night with a long time friend who is married, but a part of what she calls Polyamory.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
Apparently a "faithful marriage" is in the eye of the beholder, possibly something different for every married couple. Some think there's such thing "Emotional infidelity" where you're taking something from your spouse by finding emotional support in another person of the opposite sex. Apparently even in the Polyamory lifestyle there's still such thing as "cheating". At least there's a formal process, oral or written, in defining your boundaries, expectations, etc. One my friend had was a 3-month "getting to know" you stage where the other will start no other relations during this period. I don't know how wide this is, but at least "cheating" always means deceiving and hiding other relations.
Interesting terms for relations - a hierarchy - primary, secondary, tertiary, although there can be co-primaries for instance. What I didn't follow is how people change on the hierarchy. I suppose ideally mutually agreeable, although seems complicated. Maybe I'm your secondary, but your my primary? Well, on the other hand I don't know if I even have time for a primary! Maybe I could have 2 secondaries? So in my mind, they are co-primaries, but to them I'm a secondary.
OH, sorry back to the conservatives and keeping sex pure, within holy church approved institutions. I am SURE my polyamorous friend would not disagree with the characterization "deeply significant act with moral, emotional and psychological dimensions." She never had sex before marriage, and considered the security of her marriage container as a necessary structure to empower her (and her husband) to better face the complex world of multiple loves.
If I must enter the sex ed debate, I must support both forms of education: "just the facts" (biology and the technology of birth control) and "moral and philosophical issues". I don't have an opinion whether these need to be given in the same class, or could be completely separate. I actually don't remember much about birth control in my sex ed classes, more about biology. I had a separate class called "Contemporary domestic issues" which talked of marriage and responsibility and such.
Anyway, I'm more of a talker than a doer, so I think it's GREAT to give kids a SAFE place to discuss sex, attraction, love, and all, safe from rude peers, and safe from judgmental adults. I don't know how to create that safety, and not sure if schools can succeed, at least in the mandatory approach. Different kids need different approaches. Probably not all kids need to know about birth control at 13. I'd be happy with the "When you need to know, here's a good book to read." advice.
posted by Ares Olympus at 1:21 PM
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